I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize