We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
We left the knife in your bed.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
