wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
