I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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