C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize