News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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