Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
don't judge my taste in strippers
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
