Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
