Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
