In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
