If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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