Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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