you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
