consequently i now know what mace tastes like
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
