saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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