I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
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