Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
