so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
