Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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