I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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