i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
