Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
