my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize