They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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