my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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