Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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