btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
