Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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