I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
