please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
