He told me they were just razor bumps!
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
