Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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