I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
