I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
