i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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