you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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