Umm I'm too high to move.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
