Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
