There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
