Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
