I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
