Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
It was a blind-side dick pic.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
