I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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