he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
