I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
