I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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