Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize