Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
