he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize