Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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