just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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