How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
