Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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