Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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