OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
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Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
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I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
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