Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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