I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
