I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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