I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
