I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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