i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
