Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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