I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i was born a porn star she said
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
she told me i tasted like america
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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