I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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