It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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