I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
