i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize