Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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