yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
