I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
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I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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