im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
