My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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