I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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