well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
