his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
my being single is dangerous.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
