He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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