Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
