It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
