why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
