I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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