I feel like abortions should bother me more
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
