In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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